Soul Mates in Emotional Wounding

“Abusers often operate by manipulating you with what they’ve done for you. Someone’s good deeds to you NEVER gives them the excuse to abuse you. So do not allow them to make you feel bad for removing yourself from their presence due to what they’ve done for you. All good ultimately is from God and people are simply the vector. …

Not Sure You Were Abused? You Can Still Heal

“You can make a million excuses for the one who hurt you, but you’d still have to tend to the wound.” —PAIN. From the Journal of Umm Zakiyyah Some people don’t like the word abuse, and I get it. In fact, I’ve been there. It’s really difficult to accept such a horrific label being used to describe what happened to …

God Doesn’t Hate Gay People? Find a Better Argument

“Emotional abusers are masters at turning their sins into your wrongs. Your every complaint, disagreement, or expression of concern is now about you not showing them enough love, compassion, or respect. And as soon as they fear that others will see their wrongdoing for what it is, they play victim and accuse you of hurting them in some way. These …

Do I Have the Right To Exist?

“I have felt at times that I didn’t have the right to exist. Almost everything I was taught about being a ‘good Muslim’ meant living in denial of myself.” —from the journal of Umm Zakiyyah “You have too much confidence in yourself,” a community “auntie” told me once, and from her condescending tone, I knew she meant it in the …

Life Is Unfair, So Islam Is Unjust?

“And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, [and likewise] for women there is reward for what they earned. And ask Allah of His Bounty. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knower of everything.” —Qur’an (Al-Nisaa, The Women) 4:32 I resented my husband. It …

When Muslims Wrong You ‘For the Sake of Allah’

“There will come a time when holding on to your emaan (Islamic faith) will be like holding on to hot coals.” —Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (Tirmidhi) I never knew that the hot coals in my hand would be enflamed by my very own brothers and sisters in faith. I never knew that I would live in a world surrounded …

The Beauty of Not Forgiving

“Forgiveness is more for you than for your abuser,” we are told. And that’s true. But here’s what’s also true: Not forgiving is also more for you than for your abuser. When you make the healthy choice to not forgive because you trust in Allah’s justice, it’s more about your heart being at peace than it is about your abuser …

I Hope We All Die Together, She Said

“Black Muslims are not safe in Muslim spaces, which falsely offer ‘sanctuary’ but end up being asylums of pain.” —Layla Abdullah-Poulos Rage building inside me, I breathed in and out as I walked away from the computer. I recited some supplications to Allah to calm my anger, but the term “holy whores” kept playing over and over in my mind. …

Glorified Victims, Muslim Apologists and Western Culture Worship

Throughout my life, I’ve had several encounters with Muslim immigrants to America, and many of these experiences were not positive. I had an Arab high school teacher tell me that Black people in America could never be Muslim. In a predominately Pakistani masjid that I once frequented, the community’s sooq (store) stocked skin-lightening products that promised to be “the solution …

You’re Not a Scholar, Why Should We Listen To You?

“I’ve read almost all of his books, and I’ve never seen him say anything even close to that,” I said in response to the woman’s claim that a well-known scholar should not be trusted because he was involved in teaching some specific concepts that were contrary to the basic principles of Islam. “That’s because you don’t have the knowledge to …