Black woman in black hijab giving side eye

Racism Is Trauma, But We Are People Too

equal opportunity. satan doesn’t discriminate he believes in equality for all black white male female rich or poor he cares not— so long as hell is filled with us all. —excerpt of even if. by Umm Zakiyyah Like so many other survivors of daily racism, I’ve recently retreated into my personal space to take care of my heart and soul—and …

No, We Don’t Have To Forgive You

today. we must protect ourselves from our protectors. citizens from officers laypeople from scholars children from parents women from men wives from husbands husbands from wives and our souls         from ourselves. —excerpt of even if. by Umm Zakiyyah The other day I read this post online, and it immediately hit my heart: Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person …

young boy sitting on shore at sunset

Today I Feel More Peace in My Heart

“On the Day you shall see the believing men and the believing women their light running forward before them and by their right hands. [Their greeting will be]: ‘Glad tidings for you this Day! Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise), to dwell therein forever! Truly, this is the great success!’” —Qur’an (Al-Hadeed, 57:12) Today I feel more peace in my …

The Story Locked In My Soul: Healing in Solitude (Day 3)

“We tend to see the world in binary terms—sinner or saint, angel or devil—but I think life is much more nuanced than that.” —Judy Smith, Good Self, Bad Self The “Healing in Solitude” reflections offer a glimpse into the heart of Umm Zakiyyah, as she continues her emotional healing journey during the social distancing lockdown amidst the coronavirus epidemic. Each …

silhouette of row of houses and puddle of water at sunset

Journey of a Thousand Miles: Healing in Solitude (Day 1)

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” —Chinese proverb The “Healing in Solitude” reflections offer a glimpse into the heart of Umm Zakiyyah, as she continues her emotional healing journey during the social distancing lockdown amidst the coronavirus epidemic. Each journal reflection represents a “new day” in her healing journey and/or a new day in the …

Let’s Be Honest with Ourselves During This Time

The other day I read a post about how people who are healing from emotional trauma and abusive relationships have been practicing social distancing and isolation for many years now. This is the “survival mode” they’ve had to implement to protect themselves from toxic environments and relationships. But what happens when the toxic environment is within us, and what happens …

silhouette of person by sunrise

Mourning the Loss of a Beloved Soul Who Wasn’t Muslim

“Every soul shall taste death… The life of the world is only the enjoyment of deception.” —Qur’an (Ali ‘Imraan, 3:185) This past Sunday afternoon after having prayed Dhuhr, I was sitting in the prayer area of my home doing my daily Qur’an reading when my daughter asked if she could talk to me for a minute. She then asked, “Did …

silhouette of female sitting on swing reflecting

Making the Most of Your Bad Days

“You know when I started feeling better? When I stopped feeling bad about feeling bad.” —from the journal of Umm Zakiyyah “Why do you and your husband have only one child? Are you trying to have more? Or is it because you don’t want any more children?” These questions began when my daughter was around five years old, and they …

He Apologized? We Have No Idea What an Apology Means

“An apology, if it is truly an apology, is no more than a hope and a prayer—that the damage you’ve done can be repaired, and that you will be forgiven by both your Lord and the ones you’ve wronged. An apology should never be shared for the purpose of silencing or dismissing those hurt by the original transgression. If it …

silhouette of man wearing cap backwards reflecting sad looking down alone

The Other Side of Hurt: It’s Not About You

No one should have to apologize for taking care of themselves. This is something that took me a long time to realize and embrace in my life, and I’m still striving to do better at avoiding saying “I’m sorry” for taking care of myself during a time that people deem inconvenient for themselves, or when they feel my absence proves …